Love, Pranks and Ninja Ranks! - Chapter 1 - Hoxue95 (2024)

Chapter Text

The sun had barely peeked over the horizon when Obito Uchiha bolted upright in bed, his hair sticking up in every possible direction like a startled porcupine. For a moment, he blinked owlishly, wondering why he felt so anxious. Then it hit him like Choji after someone called him the f- word: today was the first day of his final year at the Ninja Academy!

"Oh no, oh no, oh NO!" he muttered, tumbling out of bed and getting tangled in his blanket like a self-made burrito. He rolled across the floor, bumping into his dresser and causing his prized collection of "Totally Not Pictures of Naruto and Him" to scatter everywhere. "NOT THE PICTURES!" he yelped, his voice cracking in horror as dozens of carefully collected photographs scattered across his floor like cherry blossoms in a hurricane. There was the one from their first successful prank together (successful meaning they only got caught after they'd finished), the candid shot from the school festival where Naruto had smiled so brightly he'd temporarily blinded three passing civilians, and—oh god—the one where Obito had somehow managed to trip and fall directly into Naruto's arms while trying to show off a new jutsu.

Scrambling like a caffeinated squirrel, Obito gathered the photos with the kind of desperate efficiency that only pure panic can produce. "These are for... historical documentation!" he announced to his empty room, just in case anyone was listening. "Very important ninja research! Future Hokage study! Yeah!"

After hiding—er, carefully storing—his precious collection, he faced his mirror. His reflection stared back with all the dignity of a wet cat. "Okay, Obito, you've got this," he told himself, striking his best 'cool ninja' pose. "Today's the day you'll finally—"

"TALKING TO YOURSELF AGAIN, OBITO?" his elderly neighbor yelled through the wall with the kind of volume that suggested she thought everyone in Konoha needed to hear this conversation. "YOUNG LOVE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! REMINDS ME OF MY THIRD HUSBAND... OR WAS IT MY FOURTH?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, CHIYO-BAASAMA!" Obito screeched, face turning as red as the Sharingan he still couldn't activate. Though privately, he wondered if extreme embarrassment might finally trigger it. After all, the ancient scrolls never specified exactly what kind of emotional trauma was required, right?

The next fifteen minutes were a masterclass in how not to get ready for school. As he pinballed around his small apartment, he managed to: put his shirt on backwards twice, get both legs stuck in one pants hole, brush his teeth with hand cream (in his defense, the tubes looked very similar), almost poked his eye with his goggles and nearly walk out wearing his homemade ninja headband as a belt (which, honestly, might have started a new fashion trend). His normally useless Uchiha genes had apparently decided today was the perfect day to activate their legendary grace and dignity.

By the time he finally burst out of his apartment building, the streets of Konoha were just beginning to stir with early morning activity. Vendors were setting up their stalls, ninja were hopping across rooftops with varying degrees of stealth, and at least three cats were judging him silently from their perches. Obito's grand entrance into the outside world involved tripping over nothing, (a special talent) rolled three times (unintentional), and somehow landed on his feet. Several civilians applauded.

"Meant to do that!" he called out, giving a thumbs up while internally dying of embarrassment. "All part of my morning training!"

Racing through the increasingly busy streets, Obito's path to the Academy was a symphony of near-misses and actual hits. He dodged three vegetable carts (mostly), vaulted over a surprised chunin (who later swore the boy had been screaming something about being late and love in the same breath), and somehow managed to help an old lady cross the street while simultaneously running in the opposite direction—a paradox that would baffle physics professors for years to come.

As he rounded the corner to the Academy, he spotted Sasuke first. His cousin took one look at him and smirked sarcastically. "Nice entrance, dobe number two."

"Sasuke-kun is so cool!" Sakura squealed, while Inner Sakura was probably adding 'even when he's being a jerk!'

Obito was about to retort when a familiar voice made his soul leave his body for approximately 2.5 seconds.

"Oi, Obito!"

There, leaning against the gate like some kind of orange-clad deity, was Naruto Uzumaki. Obito's breath caught in his throat. Naruto had indeed changed. The summer had been... kind to him. Very kind. Criminally kind, if you asked Obito's rapidly short-circuiting brain. He'd grown taller—noticeably taller than Obito now, which was both infuriating and somehow extremely attractive—And the morning sun hit his hair just right, creating a golden halo that made Obito's brain short-circuit. Several passing birds crashed into trees, distracted by the sparkles that seemed to emanate from Naruto's smile.

"N-Naruto!" Obito squeaked, his voice reaching a pitch that made nearby dogs tilt their heads in confusion. "You're... you're..."

"Taller?" Naruto supplied helpfully.

"Perfect," Obito sighed dreamily, before his brain caught up with his mouth. Now that's a growth spurt. "I MEAN PUNCTUAL! YOU'RE PUNCTUAL! SINCE WHEN ARE YOU PUNCTUAL?! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL NARUTO?!"

From nearby, Ino and Sakura exchanged knowing looks. "So obvious," they muttered in unison, then glared at each other for daring to agree, even if it was about Obito's painfully apparent crush.

"Wow, Obito, your face is super red!" Naruto said, leaning in close enough that Obito could count his eyelashes (not that he was counting or anything, but there were exactly 73 visible from this angle). "Are you getting sick? Maybe you should go to the nurse's office? I could carry you there!"

The mere thought of being carried by Naruto caused several of Obito's vital organs to temporarily shut down and reboot in safe mode.

"I'm fine!" Obito backpedaled so fast he crashed into Kakashi, who had apparently materialized behind him just for this moment.

"Maa, maa," Kakashi drawled, steadying Obito with one hand while not looking up from his book (seriously what a perv!). "No need to fall head over heels. Oh wait, too late."

"Kakashi!" Rin scolded, though she was clearly fighting back giggles. She turned to Naruto with the kind of smile that meant she was about to make things worse for Obito. "Naruto, did you know Obito spent all summer talking about—"

"LOOK AT THE TIME!" Obito shouted, flailing his arms like a windmill in a hurricane. "We should get to class! Education is important! Ninja stuff! Learning! Knowledge! Brain things! Yes!"

As they walked to class, Naruto slung an arm around Obito's shoulders, causing steam to practically pour from the shorter boy's ears. Behind them, Rin was collecting money from what appeared to be some sort of betting pool. Obito was afraid to ask about it.

"I missed you this summer, you know." Naruto said, his voice softening to a tone that made Obito's heart do several unauthorized acrobatic maneuvers in his chest. "You're the best partner in crime someone as cool as me could have. Nobody else appreciates my pranks like you do. Plus, you make the cutest faces when things explode!"

Obito's brain went offline for several seconds. When it rebooted, he managed a strangled "Cute?!" that had several passing students adding money to Rin's pool.

During class, Iruka-sensei was trying to explain an important ninja technique, but Obito couldn't focus. Not when Naruto kept absent-mindedly playing with a strand of his own hair, the morning light making it look like spun gold. Obito's dreamy sigh was so loud it interrupted the lecture.

"Uchiha!" Iruka called out. "Since you seem so... invested in the lesson, perhaps you'd like to demonstrate?"

Obito stood up so fast his chair fell backward. "Yes! I mean, what are we doing?"

The entire class burst into laughter, except Naruto, who just grinned encouragingly. "The clone technique, remember?"

"Right! Clone technique! I totally got this!" Obito formed the hand signs, with what he hoped was professional ninja precision, but he was so distracted by Naruto's smile that instead of creating a clone, he somehow produced a puff of smoke that formed a perfect heart shape before dissipating into what looked suspiciously like tiny cupids.

"That's... not quite what we were going for," Iruka said dryly, while the betting pool in the back of the class grew larger. "Though I have to admit, I've never seen that particular variation before."

Later, as they packed up their things, Naruto turned to Obito with that sunshine smile. "Hey, want to hang out after class? I've got something awesome to show you!"

"YES!" Obito blurted, then immediately tried to play it cool. "I mean, if I'm not busy. Which I'm not. At all. Ever. For you. I MEAN—for hanging out. With friends. Which we are. Friends. Yes."

"Great!" Naruto beamed, apparently immune to both Obito's gay panic and the chorus of facepalms from their classmates. "It's a date!"

Obito has stopped working.

"A... date?" he squeaked, his voice reaching frequencies previously unknown to mankind.

"Yeah, you know, like a time and place!" Naruto clarified innocently, while everyone else in the classroom groaned collectively.

As Naruto walked away, whistling a cheerful tune and completely oblivious to the chaos he'd left in his wake, Obito slumped in his seat, a dopey smile on his face that threatened to become permanent. Behind him, Kakashi was consoling a disappointed Rin.

"Don't worry," he patted her shoulder sagely. "The 'Obito confesses by accidentally setting something on fire' betting pool is still open. My money's on next Tuesday."

"I heard that!" Obito protested weakly, though he couldn't deny he'd nearly burned down his kitchen last week while daydreaming about certain whisker-marked cheeks.

The butterflies in his stomach had evolved into tiny dragons doing loop-de-loops, but Obito didn't mind one bit. After all, he was an Uchiha, and Uchihas never backed down from a challenge.

Even if that challenge was trying not to spontaneously combust every time your oblivious best friend called hanging out a "date."

Some say you can still hear the sound of money changing hands in the betting pools to this day.

Love, Pranks and Ninja Ranks! - Chapter 1 - Hoxue95 (2024)

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